“It’s this kind of forced intimacy.” On the other hand, says Dan, “If a girl I was on a date with told me she was from a broken home, that’s the kind of thing I feel like I would appreciate hearing about on a third date.”Not everyone agrees.On a third date with a former co-worker, Jessica Massa, 26, co-founder of the online dating forum wtfisupwithmylovelife.com, learned that both of his parents were drug addicts and that he had been supporting them (just their bills, not the drug habit) since he was 16.“He revealed this along with similarly deep and complicated personal and family issues,” says Massa.
This points to the fact that for many people, the third date is the first date for sex, which may be part of what prompts such third-date confessions.
(The rule goes something like this: If one party declines sex on the third date, it’s a sign the relationship is going nowhere.) This makes the third date a natural moment to fess up about any contagious diseases.
But it also seems to lead to a more generally disclosure-based date, in which confessions about felony convictions and plastic surgery make their debut.“It’s oddly funny how people give away what prescriptions they are taking on a third date,” says Dan, a 25-year-old filmmaker in Los Angeles. One girl said to me, ‘If I didn’t take my Xanax, I don’t know what I would do.’ Another started dishing about the eccentricities that required her to be on Klonopin.”Some details go over better than others.
“When women tell what meds they take, it’s usually a big turn-off,” says Dan.
The tone, tempo, and type of information revealed in a burgeoning relationship can get complicated.
Is there ever really a right time to tell someone you are dating you never finished high school, that your father is a Satan worshipper, or that that sex tape of yours is still making the virtual rounds?
“I generally advise people to hold off on revealing information until things have become exclusive and serious,” says Dr.
“It was about the third date my freshman year in college, and I’m lying in bed with this fantastic guy,” says Ellie.
“We talked politics and made fun of each other and he took these great black-and-white photographs of me. He’s still totally dreamy.”Welcome to the third date, that moment on the courtship trajectory when the truth comes out about STDs, personal hygiene habits, secret significant others, family backgrounds, and, yes, their real age.