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So, one night we were at her house having some wine and watching a movie and I approached it.

I didn’t blurt it right out, I started talking about my mother’s cancer, and the other women in my family with breast cancer.

She asked if I had been tested for the gene, and I said that I had, and as a result I had a preventative double mastectomy.

Obviously, it isn’t something you bring up on a first date, but as I started to realize this relationship might be going somewhere, I knew I had to discuss it with her.

I had reconstruction done, but there is only so much they can do.

As long as I am dressed I look fine, but there are scars and the implants are slightly misshaped.

Jean Rowe, LCSW, program manager for survival ship and support at the Young Survival Coalition (a national organization that helps young women face the challenges of breast cancer) has found that when women start to date again it’s like “tipping their big toe in the water—and it’s terrifying.” As she told me on the phone, “When to tell? So much depends on how you feel about yourself—and on the personality of that new person. Rowe suggests that if you’ve gone out with someone four times, that’s often a good benchmark for talking about your condition.

“Or, if your clothes are going to come off, you might want to stop and have a conversation,” she added.

In the recent big screen film, “Thanks For Sharing,” Gwyneth Paltrow plays Phoebe who tells Mark Ruffalo’s Adam that she’s a breast cancer survivor on their first date.Then, when they first bed she says breezily: “Yes, my tits are fake.By Steven Petrow Published Oct 24, 2013 What am I, a guy, doing answering this question? Well, in addition to being a longtime health journalist, the author of five books about manners and an etiquette columnist for The New York Times and Parade magazine, I survived testicular cancer.My cancer experience raised for me many of the same kinds of dating dilemmas that women face with breast cancer.For instance, early on (it’s now been 29 years since my diagnosis), I was rather self-conscious about scars (three, totaling about 21 inches) and the loss of a body part (my right egg).Like many women in treatment for breast cancer or survivors of it, I wish there had been “A Cancer’s Survivor Dating Rule Book” to guide me. And, the biggest fear is rejection.” I certainly remember that fear: There’s no one right time to spring the news.

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