"It's probably not love if you don't press your face to the toilet seat after they've used to feel their warmth." — Rob Delaney. "A small handmade trinket or a card is much more meaningful than anything you can purchase.
It's not 'We love each other,' it's just 'Fuck it, man.' " — Louis CK. When you first hear the word, people expect it to be the white picket fence and the puppies. "Ladies, I guarantee you if you take a shower with your boyfriend by the time you step out of that shower your breasts will be sparkling clean." — Sarah Silverman.19.
The reality is, it's a commitment; it becomes a job to a certain degree." — Kevin Hart.15. I would die for her.' And you look at your spouse and go, 'Who the fuck are you?
"Marry a man your own age; as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight." — Phyllis Diller. "When you first get married, you have a relationship that's so important to you, and you're working on it together. And you look at your kid and you go, 'Holy shit, this is my child.
And what better way to learn from others' happiness, or misery, than to hear it with a pinch of humor?
Check out this list of rock-solid relationship advice from some of our favorite comedians and up your love game like a boss: 2. You can't get nobody looking like you look, acting like you act, sounding like you sound.
"True love is singing karaoke 'Under Pressure' and letting the other person sing the Freddie Mercury part." — Mindy Kaling.3. Except the board is flowing water, the pieces are made of smoke and no move you make will have any effect on the outcome." — Jerry Seinfeld. "Relationships are easy to get into, hard to maintain. When you meet somebody for the first time, you're not meeting them.
You're meeting their representative." — Chris Rock. "When choosing sexual partners, remember: talent is not sexually transmittable." — Tina Fey.7.
When it comes to love, there are only three things you can trust: your brain, your heart and your gut.
But we all know trusting those things is easier said than done.
That cotton-candy-pink haze that new romance lays on us, that weakness us in the knees, and that gives us that fluttering sensation in the stomach, that wooziness — all of it can effortlessly overshadow whatever logical decisions we try to make.
That's when other people's experiences come in handy.