And if you’re one of the 90 million singles in America, you can do it online.Just in time, there's a whole bunch of new research on the topic, from Amy Webb’s Data, a Love Story, in which the author games the system to find her match, to Dan Slater’s Love in the Time of Algorithms, a naked account of the pluses and pitfalls of online dating. ), we perused the latest manuals and lovingly present this roadmap to the world of e-romance. Stay Weird (In Other Words, ‘Do You’) Online dating sites thrive on individuality—specifically, yours. From goth dating to plus-size, prisoners to gold diggers, these sites revolve around one thing: honesty.In Algorithms, Slater discusses the shift from the “bookend theory” initially used by pioneer sites like (aiming to win over every “book” on the shelf) to the prevailing “niche” dating sites that now dominate the market. Slater contends that it’s partly this trait, the cornerstone of any relationship, that has made the world of online dating so successful. there is bound to be someone in the cloud of faces who’s interested in whatever it is that you’ve got.” Online dating takes guts, so the more you have (or can feign), the better you’ll do.
Not simply because they create “culturally relevant communities,” Slater writes. Williams, CEO of White Label Dating.com—a platform that helps companies to build new dating websites—says the key to online dating begins with recognizing that everyone else you’re interacting with is in the same boat. Textbook example: Andrew, a 31-year-old architect bruised from an eight-year relationship that went sour, gained confidence after more than 1,000 women looked at his profile.
More importantly, sites like and Large and Lovely Connections create “judgment-free zones where the like-minded can mingle freely and furtively.” Convinced you’re a vampire? Mojo restored, he added a witty ultimatum to his Ok Cupid profile: “Contact me if you can ride a horse.” Sure enough, Jennifer, a 30-year-old horse trainer, sent him a message.
After their first date, she asked if Andrew wanted to come see her barn and her apartment. Six months into their relationship, Andrew is proof that a little moxie goes a long way.
Christian Rudder, co-founder Ok Cupid.com, is brutally honest.
The cardinal rule of online dating, he says, is to be “really, really hot.” In fairness, “hot” is subjective.
But it’s likely you know your own hottest look, so use it.
Ok Trends, a complementary blog to Ok Cupid that explores the data of online dating, presents powerful evidence to back up Rudder’s “hot” rule: a woman deemed hot by one study received four times as many messages as an average one—and 25 times as many as an ugly one.
Of course, Rudder admits there are more pieces to the puzzle.
“The more of your personality you show, the more there is for someone to grab onto and get excited about ...
Describe yourself in as much quirky detail as possible.” (and Ok Cupid are owned by IAC, the parent company of The Daily Beast.) To be sure, men put more emphasis on looks.
“For them, pictures come first, because they’re so visual, and for good adaptive reason,” says Helen Fisher, a biological anthropologist and Match.com’s chief scientific adviser.